Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a very strange and insidious phenomenon. In the first place, it’s nearly impossible to explain it in such a way that anyone who doesn’t have it can actually understand. What’s worse is, when you do try and explain, most people truly do think they understand.

Put, simply, OCD is a chemical imbalance in the brain which manifests itself in two ways, often combined.

Obsessions are thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again and feel out of your control. The person does not want to have these ideas, finds them disturbing and intrusive, and typically recognizes that they don’t really make sense. Obsessions are accompanied by sickly, horrifying feelings of fear, disgust, doubt, and intense guilt.

Compulsions are a “magical”  way of trying (though, it never works) to make the obsessions go away. They are acts the person performs over and over again, often according to certain self-imposed “rules.”

Because everyone experiences the above to some degree and at some time during their lives, when trying to explain this to people – especially the intrusive thoughts aspect –  most people respond by saying, “Sure, I’ve had that too.”  But they haven’t. Not to the “insane degree” OCD sufferers have. Many of the obsessions are so disturbing they are beyond mere words.

To have an idea of the level of discomfort they cause, you’d have to take the worst of your “bad thoughts”, multiply them exponentially by ten, and have them echoing in your head during practically all your waking moments (and, often, even in your nightmares) in order to be able to fully relate. Quite frankly, I hope you cannot relate to this!

What’s even more disturbing is that the bad thoughts tend to “hit you” at the very center of what you value most. In my case, G-d and my Parents. It seemed as though every “thought of horror” involved these two major areas of my life.

So, for example, if I had a bad thought, I’d then have to do a “compulsive” act to cancel it out. I remember one time when I was driving past a graveyard, when I had a horrible OCD-thought about my Parents. So, in order to “undo”  the thought, I’d have to drive back past the graveyard “two times”  (I guess, once to cancel it out, and the other to do the actual drive) without having the thought.

Yes, right! And just try “not”  to think of a purple elephant. Can’t be done. So I’d be driving back and forth past the same graveyard for an hour, torturing myself trying to get past it twice without having the thought. I was paralyzed. I just couldn’t make myself leave. Finally, realizing it was never going to “work”, I’d leave, but would be in emotional misery, obsessing for days, about the actual thought before it would leave.

Even walking past a doorway, if I got a “bad thought” I’d have to retrace the steps twice . . . without having the thought, of course. You can just imagine how many times I’d have to walk back and forth before I wouldhopefully make it through twice without the thought.

And, imagine the people who watched me do this. I tried my best to cover it up but, strangers often looked at me as though I were strange (and who could blame them) and friends eventually found it too difficult to be around me.

I remember once, when I was a television broadcaster, shaving while getting ready for a local celebrity softball game. While shaving, I had a bad thought and slightly cut my face. I was worried that every time I saw the scar after that I’d re-have the thought so I tried to somehow shave that same spot without having the thought.

Wouldn’t happen. So I kept trying, and managed, over the next 45 minutes, to cut up some of my face, and nearly be late to the game . . . that I had organized!

There was one period of about six months that when I’d get a bad thought, I’d make a fist and hit myself repeatedly in the face – and very hard! – as though that would “hopefully” make up for my having the thought. In other words, as if by physically punishing myself I could alleviate the guilt for having the thoughts. Of course, it never worked.

I look back upon this now –  and there was so much more – and wonder how I got out of it without doing some very serious physical damage to myself.

Unlike compulsive gambling or drinking (themselves very distressful afflictions), OCD compulsions do not give the sufferer even one speck of relief. None! While the gambler enjoys the thrill of the actual play, and the alcoholic does in fact look forward to that drink, such is not the case with OCD. Rather, the rituals are performed to obtain relief from the discomfort caused by the obsessions. But it never works.

Once it was determined that what I was experiencing had an actual name, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. Not that I could picture ever being cured. And, though I wouldn’t wish OCD upon anyone, there was still some comfort in knowing I was not the only one. I suspect that research into OCD was delayed much longer than need be because too many sufferers, fearing the judgments of others, never admitted their symptoms.

The road ahead was long and there were many, many setbacks along the way.

One Summer evening, leaving work during a rainstorm, I sat outside waiting for the rain to let up so that I could get to my car without getting drenched. As I sat there, just thinking, I had a particularly horrible OCD thought which set off a chain of other related thoughts. What came more furiously, the downpour of rain or outpouring of horrid, disturbing thoughts, I’m still not sure. For not the first time though, I – a grown man respected in the business community – just sat there bawling my eyes out, and pleading to G-d, “Stop these thoughts . . . PLEASE!” But He didn’t.

Today, through medication and behavior therapy, the symptoms are a bit softer and, for me anyway, most definitely livable. One is never actually cured from OCD, but can always strive to be even more functional. Living with OCD is a “different” sort of life. You’re never totally free from its grasp. You can’t exactly decide to simply “not participate” in its manifestation.

But, you live your life and you work around it. And you hope that your story can help others to know that there are lots of us who do understand them, and that there are places that have a wealth of information about it, such as the International OCD Foundation (www.ocfoundation.org), which has done marvelous work in this field for close to 25 years.

There is nothing good in one’s life for which OCD can take credit. That is, successful people with OCD succeed despite it; not because of it.

Actually, perhaps there is one positive aspect of OCD.

Because of it, I have an almost extraordinary amount of empathy for others who are suffering; suffering with and/or from anything. And that has helped me in that it’s allowed me to help many others in different ways.

Is that worth having OCD? No, absolutely not. But, if, for whatever reason it is in G-d’s plans that I have this disorder, I’m glad I can at least be a conduit for comforting others. And if that is why I have OCD, to in some way be able to assist in G-d’s work, then I am certainly fine with it.

*If there is an Epilogue, of sorts, to this story, it’s that, for the past 15 years or so, I have had a great life. Even while living in fear at times of the next series of “bad thoughts”, I mainly live in gratitude at how fortunate I am to do work I love, touch lives in a positive way, and be surrounded by close family, friends and acquaintances, both online and off.

This is why we use an editorial calendar and plan well ahead for scheduled features.

An even bigger part of a best life design is being the greatest steward possible of all of our gifts, contributing in meaningful ways, and making a difference in the life of the others.

As a member of Seth Godin’s Domino Project Street Team, I received a heads up on a powerful project featuring several Best Life Design contributors, including Tom Peters, Dan Pink, Pam Slim, and Brené Brown, as well as several other respected colleagues and friends.

This project showed not only the ability to make a difference in others’ lives, but also to save lives.

This was such a strong invitation that I said …whatever is slotted for September 7th, bump it back. Let’s move it. This project must be featured in as BIG of way as possible.

So here it is…

End Malaria.

This book is a collection of over 60 leading authors and business thought-leaders writing about “great work” – a term we use often in our community.

Work that matters. Work that is meaningful to you. Work that impacts lives in profound ways.

Work that is part of your best life design.

The brilliant wisdom, tips, and advice in this book are easily worth the $25 investment.

But here’s what really got my attention: A minimum of 80% from every book sale (100% of each Kindle sale!) goes to Malaria No More to buy life saving mosquito nets for Africa.

The full, self descriptive title is End Malaria: Bold Innovation, Limitless Generosity, and the Opportunity to Save a Life.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to hop on a call with the book’s editor, Michael Bungay Stanier of Box of Crayons. I stand behind him as a man who walks his talk.

Michael chose this malaria mission as the most efficient way to make global impact. Malaria continues to take millions of lives…even though it is preventable and treatable.

It is caused by a female mosquito that bites at night. The most vulnerable? Kids.

A child dies from malaria every 45 seconds.

Malaria No More’s mission is to end malaria in Africa by 2015. Go here to watch a one minute video to experience the vision of this project: http://www.endmalariaday.com.

A lifesaving mosquito net that can protect a child (and family) costs $10.

None of the contributors – including Michael and Seth – are taking any money from sales. One hundred percent of Kindle sales and 80% of book sales go to charity.

The project is off to a roaring start. Sponsors have already donated $100,000…that means 10,000 more families protected from malaria.

What can you do?

First, do more things that matter and less of the other busy work that fills up your day.

Second, Buy a copy (or three or five…or add zeros as you can…understanding that you’re also adding zeros to the lives you are saving).

Third, share this book with your friends, family, and coworkers, and encourage them to join us on our quest to End Malaria (http://www.EndMalariaDay.com).

Fourth, spread word of this book to your facebook, twitter, LinkedIn and other online networks.

To make it easy as possible, here are some cut and paste posts to use or tweak (the hashtag is #EndMalariaDay) :

>>TODAY is End Malaria Day. A simple way to save lives: http://endmalariaday.com/

>> THIS MATTERS. Real people. Lives saved. Now: http://endmalariaday.com/

>> Malaria kills a child every 45 seconds. Get great book and save lives: http://endmalariaday.com/

>> You are here to make a difference. Make an impact today: http://endmalariaday.com/

>> Check out this ONE minute video that is saving lives today: http://endmalariaday.com/

>> Wise thought leaders uniting … to save lives TODAY. Check out: http://endmalariaday.com/

>>Every copy saves lives. Every copy. Saves. LIVES. http://endmalariaday.com/

>> I just bought an incredible book…and saved lives. Join me? http://endmalariaday.com/

You can “Like” the Facebook fan page here: http://www.facebook.com/endmalariaday

You know that I’m an advocate of good business and life design books. These books can improve lives and even change lives. I will continue to suggest ones that I believe can help you live your best life design.

Today we have the opportunity to promote a good book that has the power to save lives.

The Project is targeting the sale of 100,000 copies of this book (Doing the math…this would be another 2 million dollars to help stomp out malaria).
As Michael said on the phone yesterday, all we can do is invest completely in the process and let the results take care of themselves.

I’m invested.

For the first 10 members of our Best Life Design community who forward an invoice to info@bestlifedesign.com showing the purchase of 10 or more books, I will donate a ticket (transferable) to our October Make an Impact LIVE! event (value: $697).

Ready to make a bigger impact? When you forward me an invoice showing the purchase of 25 or more books by the end of today, I will include an event ticket AND a ticket to a private, closed door networking event with the speakers, sponsors, and other special guests.

Do more great work…and make a bigger impact… today.

Working with hundreds of clients for twenty years, I’ve seen time and time again another incredible yet often overlooked benefit from regular and consistent exercise…the link between a strong body and a strong mind.

When you understand that regular exercise boosts your mental fitness, you have even more incentive to get up off the couch and move it. Here are 7 ways – some may surprise you! – that exercise keeps your mind fit:

1. Sense of control.
When things are out of your control, you can become anxious, agitated, stressed and uncomfortable. Exercise is something within your control. You can choose the way you exercise, the level of intensity you put in, and the results you receive.

Gaining control in certain areas of your life gives you a greater sense of order and routine. It creates the sense that you’re proactively creating the life you want instead of reacting to what’s happening to you.

2. Increased ability to focus and concentrate.
Exercise encourages more restful sleep and clarity, allowing you to wake up sharper, refreshed and energized instead of fatigued and lethargic. These qualities give you an edge and advantage in business and life.

Exercise improves your retention, allowing you to get more from what you read, hear or see. You’re also able to react more quickly and make faster decisions. Through regular exercise, your reflexes become quicker and sharper.

3. Improved self image.
Through regular activity, your posture improves and you hold yourself straighter and with more confidence. This impacts the way you move and your body language.

With an improved image, you tend to dress better. Studies show that this causes others to see you as being more competent, confident, successful and trustworthy.

4. Character development.
Who would think that exercise can make you a better person? When you exercise regularly, it demonstrates qualities such as consistency, persistence, commitment and dedication.

When others look to do business and they see these qualities when it comes to your fitness and health, they tend to assume that you have those same qualities when it comes working business or partnering with you.

5. Quality of life.
Exercise floods the body with “feel good” chemicals and endorphins. We all seek this type of “high”. Non-exercisers may try to achieve this feeling through other self-soothing and self-medicating behaviors like overeating, compulsive shopping, drinking, smoking, taking drugs or getting involved in reckless behavior.

Creating a natural high leads to a healthier you. Over time, preserving your strength and health means preserving your independence, dignity and pride.

6. Improved emotional outlook.
Through the release of endorphins and the mental and emotional benefits of regular and consistent activity, you develop a healthier and more positive perspective.

Studies show that mental health professionals who incorporate exercise into their work with depressed patients report more positive results. Exercise makes you feel good — isn’t this what we all want?

7. Greater self-love.
Giving yourself the gift of fitness shows yourself that you’re worth the time and effort it takes to achieve a healthy and fit body.  As you take better care of yourself physically, you begin to do so mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The more you show love to yourself, the greater capacity you have to love others. The result of your self-love benefits all within your care and reach.

Over time, the “mental muscle” you gain through improving your physical strength will support you in coming back after a crisis, illness, tragedy or trauma. You will become more resilient.

Whether recovering from a disease, choosing a new professional path, getting back in the game after a divorce or bouncing back from a setback, a strong body leads to a strong mind.

Have your experienced that a fit body means a fit mind? Please share below!

Beyond the research I can tell you from my daily practice that it brings a calm to your life that will anchor you amidst the storms.

It is called Autogenic Training.

I am going to show you how to master this process over the next 6 weeks. If you are practiced in meditation, you may shorten the time needed to make this practice a part of your daily ritual.

Start this way:

Assume a comfortable position—a reclining chair is ideal.  Close your eyes.

As you breathe in, say slowly to yourself:

“My arms and legs”

As you breathe out:

“Are heavy and warm”

Imagine the sun beaming down upon your arms and legs.  Do this for three minutes daily for one week.

The second week, after the 3 minutes with my arms and legs are heavy and warm, add:

As you breathe in:

“My heartbeat is”

As you breathe out:

“Calm and regular.”

Continue for 3 minutes, while visualizing something calm and regular like the pendulum of a clock.  Continue daily for a week.

The third week do the first 2 exercises and add, as you breathe in:

“My breathing is”

As you breathe out:

“Free and Easy”

While visualizing something free and easy, such as a bird gliding through the air without having to flap its wings. Continue for 3 minutes during this third week.

The fourth week, after you’ve mastered these 3 phrases, add as you breathe in:

“My abdomen”

As you breathe out:

“Is warm.”

While visualizing the sun beaming down upon your abdomen.  Continue all 4 phrases three minutes each for a week.

The fifth week, add as you breathe in:

“My forehead”

As you breathe out:

“Is cool.”

While visualizing being outside, warmly dressed, with a cool breeze blowing across your forehead.  Continue 3 minutes. During this fifth week do all 5 phrases 3 minutes each.

The sixth week, add, as you breathe in:

“My mind”

As you breathe out:

“Is quiet and still”,

Visualize a pleasant, quiet, still scene.  Continue 3 minutes.

You now have BASIC autogenic training—18 minutes a day to an inner peace you create. It’s priceless –  but you can’t buy it!

After this, you can add Organ Specific Phrases if you have a specific need.  For habits, such as smoking, “I am free of smoking.”  Or “My weight is (your ideal)” while visualizing yourself on scales in front of a mirror seeing you at your ideal weight. Always use only POSITIVE phrases and images!

This practice retrains the brain, nervous system and the autonomic control system easily and effortlessly.

Do not be surprised that with practice you begin to experience spontaneous spiritual imagery. This is a deep meditation practice that connects you with your core life force.

So with this kind of effort, why aren’t many of us looking, feeling and living our best?

While healthy eating and exercise are huge steps in the right direction, they’re only a piece of the wellness puzzle. Let’s take a look at some other important pieces.

Eating When Hungry
Take a look at “why” you eat. Are you eating when your body is hungry or do you eat based on the time, the size of the plate or the event around you?

There’s a big difference between hunger and appetite. The body thrives when eating because of hunger, but stores fat when eating because of appetite. Here’s how to tell the difference.

Hunger is a physiological response to the body needing food. Your stomach may rumble, you may feel lightheaded and you want food quickly. Often, it doesn’t really matter what you eat as long as you get something into your system quickly.

Appetite is triggered by emotions, by something you’ve just seen, thought about or even by a delicious smell. With appetite, you feel an immediate urge to eat something and typically, it’s something specific.  Different textures are indicative of certain emotions when driven by appetite. For example, you may want something crunchy when you’re angry and something smooth and creamy when you’re sad.

Reacting to appetite is a recipe for weight gain because your body doesn’t need the food. When that’s the case, your body’s only option is to convert it to fat and store it for you.

Mindful Eating
With mindless eating, you’re taking in much more than you need because you’re distracted while eating. Are you eating while cooking, passing food to others, or taking in too much because you’re reading or watching TV during a meal? You can take in thousands of excess calories through “mindless munching.”

Emotional eating may also be a factor when you eat to soothe, calm, numb and relax from our problems or pain. It’s a self-soothing technique where you medicate using food as your drug of choice.  Mindless or emotional eating not only cause weight gain, but can waste years as you struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

Shaking It Up
If your body isn’t challenged it gets bored. Are you doing the same routine consistently and has it gotten easier over time? If so, it’s time to shake things up and create some “muscle confusion.”

This could mean varying your pace or throwing in some intervals or bursts of intense plyometric movements to dramatically increase the intensity for a short period of time. It could also mean using weights, resistance bands, machines, trying an organized sport, a new fitness class, DVD or different route to run.

Building Muscle
In addition to cardio routines, building muscle is critical to any fitness plan. This fires up our metabolism, gives us a fit, toned body as well as improving our quality of life by simply making every day tasks easier to perform.

Look at your day and add some activity and muscle building in addition to your workouts. Are you sitting behind a desk for the rest of the day? While workouts are important, they can’t make up for an otherwise sedentary lifestyle.

Getting Zzzzzzz
Adequate sleep gives you more clarity, ability to focus, greater concentration, and more energy to get you through the day. Without enough sleep, you’ll look for energy through sugar and caffeine; the perfect recipe for weight gain.

The empty calories coming from sugar gives you a temporary energy surge and inevitable crash, which leaves you craving more sugar to pick you up again. This short-lived fuel doesn’t sustain or nurture your body and the calories add up quickly.

Also, without enough sleep, certain hormones and chemicals don’t have an opportunity to rebalance and replenish themselves. Unfortunately, these chemicals also promote fat storage and increased appetite.

Managing Immunity Suppressing Stress
You can be eating well and exercising but if you’re living with chronic, unmanaged stress, you’re suppressing your immune system as well as causing physical, mental and emotional wear and tear.

If you’re under constant stress and you’re an emotional eater, the stress you feel will trigger a binge. You also won’t be interested in healthy meal planning, label reading and portion control because you’re consumed by your stress. In addition, you may look for comfort foods, which are loaded in fat, sugar and calories.

When stress suppresses your immune system, you’re not as able to fight off bacterial and viral invasion so you’re more susceptible to illness. Under stress, you’re also keeping your bodies tight which leads to muscle aches, pulls, tears, headaches and more.

Chronic stress also affects your digestive, nervous and even reproductive system. Digestive disturbances such as irritable bowel syndrome, ulcers, Chrohn’s disease and acid reflux have all been shown to be connected to stress.

Nurturing Relationships
Your relationships are either good or bad for your health.

Supportive, loving, positive and nurturing relationships improve the immune system, flood your body with “feel good” hormones and chemicals while giving you a sense of connectedness.

Negative, critical, judgmental and pessimistic people suppress your immune systems, flood your body with stress hormones and discourage you from being, doing and having more.

Take a look at your relationships and how they are contributing to or undermining your health.

Mindset
A lack of confidence, low self esteem, poor self image and a belief system that doesn’t serve you will prevent you from living the life you want…no matter how well you eat and how much you exercise.

If you feel worthy and deserving of love, health, wellness and success, then your thoughts, behaviors and actions will support those goals. If you feel unworthy of love, health, wellness and success, unfortunately your actions and behaviors will support those beliefs too. True health is being healthy from the inside, out.

Which of these pieces of the health puzzle are you missing?

Begin to put them in place to form a healthy body that thrives from a healthy lifestyle, a healthy mind and a healthy spirit.

You also know that while many tasty ingredients may be available to you and within easy reach, like mustard, pepper, garlic or vinegar, they simply don’t belong in your cake so you purposely and consciously choose to leave them out. If you were to add those ingredients into your mix, you wouldn’t expect a positive result. It’s all very logical and rational when it comes to baking, isn’t it?

So here’s a question. If you desire to create a “delicious” life, why is it that you’d add the ingredients that don’t work and often leave out the ingredients that would make life…delicious?

So many areas of life impact our “cake” from the food we eat, to the people we spend our time with, to the thoughts we think. Here are a few “ingredients” that impact our recipes…

1. What you eat. If your diet is made up of fast food, processed foods and foods high in sugar, salt and fat, you can’t really be surprised if your body doesn’t look or feel its best, can you? Do you have enough liquid to make the batter moist and bake to perfection? What are you adding to your recipe – and will it produce the delicious end result you want?

2. Your thoughts. If you think you’re unlovable, unworthy or incapable, can you really be surprised if these thoughts encourage you to act or carry yourself a certain way? Maybe they’ll prevent you from feeling deserving of a loving relationship, cause you to feel unworthy of something fabulous or incapable of achieving a goal or dream. If negative thoughts are continuously playing in your mind, take a look at how they’re showing themselves within your life and how they are contributing to your “cake.”

3. Your feelings. If you feel overweight, unattractive or ill equipped in some way, take a look at the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, what you do (or don’t do) and the relationships you have. Notice how these feelings show themselves in the clothes you choose, the opportunities you avoid and what you’re willing to tolerate in a coworker, friend or partner. Anger, doubt, frustration, revenge and other negative feelings are the equivalent of adding rotten eggs and sour milk to your “cake.”

4. What you hear. If you’re listening to people who are negative, critical, pessimistic and judgmental, can you be surprised when you feel deflated, depleted and uninspired? Of course you’re trying to be a good friend, you may even be the “go to person” when someone wants to gossip, needs to vent or complain. Begin to notice how you feel once this negativity is dumped on you and see how it’s holding you back from creating a scrumptious result.

5. What you see. If you’re reading negative news or being “entertained” by shows filled with misery, pain, violence or vulgarity, are you surprised if that has an effect on you? TV news is full of sensationalism and negativity. Sure you may be up to date on the latest tragedies and misfortunes but how do these visuals resonate with you? Do they make you feel calm, serene and comfortable or nervous, vulnerable and afraid? Consider how these ingredients are impacting your mix.

6. What you do. If you’re doing little more than chores or tasks when you’re home and then fill your day with running errands or going to a boring and unfulfilling job, can you be surprised if you’re not excited about your life? If your life is crammed with tasks leaving no room for self care, healthy eating, exercise, down time, fulfillment and fun, can you see how this may be showing itself in how you look, feel and live? Can you see how it’s creating an undesirable “cake?”

7. What you believe. Your belief system is created by the repetition of an idea that you trust as the truth. Perhaps you were told, “you can be, do or have anything” and you’ve repeated this into a belief. Or perhaps you were told that you were not meant to be wealthy, happy, healthy or carefree. You may have heard that “life is a struggle” or that “everyone in our family has a fiery temper, is prone to heart disease, and has these big thighs.” With repetition, these thoughts become part of your belief system. Can you see how you live within these limits when you go into your adult life carrying these beliefs? Take a look to see if you’ve unintentionally added some harsh ingredients into your “cake.”

All of these factors contribute to who we are, how we live and the results we produce. With awareness and a desire to change, we can slowly and steadily change whatever area doesn’t work well for us anymore.

It’s time to bake a scrumptious, mouth watering and flavorful “cake” bursting with ingredients that make it appetizing and appealing. I’m going for a beautiful, decadent, double chocolate, rich, creamy, 7-layer cake. You? 

Determining the fastest, most effective route to better decisions can be paralyzing or costly.

The bare, naked truth is that I have spent hours creating dead ends. Along the way I’ve built up a huge inventory of knowledge and expertise, for which I’m grateful. But the price for poor decision making has been steep when I consider how much time I’ve traded because I’ve stroked my ego on a venture or jumped up and down because of a fun feeling about a potential project.

I’ve added up the time, and acknowledge that I have made some lame decisions that haven’t panned out, costing me time away from my family, the acts of service that fulfill me, and precious time away from training for triathlons, which I love.

To be fair, I’m wired to take action. And, taking action has been a way to fail faster and determine the better course.

Here is what I’ve learned…

Making a decision is like landing a plane without instruments on a runway without lights.

Imagine the runway has 5 path lights. The more lights that you can illuminate, the higher probability that the decision to land will be successful.

1. Common Sense – This one is fairly easy. If someone approaches you to speak at an event and you respect her, there is a great sales page, the producer has run successful event(s) before, and the purpose is aligned with your purpose, then this light can be turned on.

2. Counsel from a Mentor – Coaches, mentors, and respected mastermind groups are a resource in decision making. After sharing your opportunity, you will get clarity around whether this light goes on or not. Consulting a wise mentor in the above scenario would probably illuminate this light as well.

3. Timing – Sometimes the decision seems to be a yes everywhere but in the timing. Continuing with the above speaking event example, if you have a conflict with the date, this light would not go on. But you might be able to rearrange your schedule.

4. Meditation or Prayer – You make better decisions in stillness. When I’m in silence and journal or pray for God’s whisper over my decision, then I get clarity.

5. Personal Feeling or Intuition – If this is the only light you get, then be cautious. Making a decision based on feeling alone is risky. Be patient not to rush forward without checking in to see if you get lights in any of the other four areas.

The key to landing successfully is to secure as many lights as possible. Landing with only one light is not safe. Be mindful to slow down and get, at a minimum, two lights before you land the decision.

Finally, even with the gear down, it’s wise to know that it’s still safe to abort landing.

Using these 5 runway lights to land your decision will save you time and unexpected disappointments. When patience and due diligence prevail, you will have confidence in your course and be more likely to persevere when the ride gets bumpy.

Champion decision making, like landing an airplane, is about strategy.

Land strong!

Over time, Memorial Day has become a day to visit graves of deceased relatives and hold others in remembrance. This year, in my small community in Iowa, we are holding in our thoughts three teens lost to suicide over the past six months.

Today I want to share with you a message that I wrote with my community in mind about how we must be vigilant during times of loss to keep hope alive.

Hope is fragile. And the death of hope is the greatest tragedy known to mankind.

In the face of loss, our challenge is to persevere through the darkest days, direct our focus to what we can learn from the experience, tap our courage to dream of a better day, and unleash our creativity to design what this looks like.

Although it may feel that there are no answers, there is a way to come through stronger and wiser and more unified. We must believe that not only can our loss stand for something, but that it must. Finding, creating, and crafting this path can only be accomplished with the support of others.

You may need to forge your path forward without knowing the answers you seek. This is tough for us humans. We like to be in control. We tend to ask “why?” and are constantly assigning reasons for things, called attributions. These make us feel secure. They give us a sense that we can prevent this bad thing from happening again. This drive is even stronger in parents and educators and community leaders who see it as their responsibility to solve problems and keep kids safe.

The reality is that we cannot explain the inexplicable. Nick __, who spoke at a recent community meeting, told how he lost his mom to suicide, which he describes as an individual terrorist act. The only one with the answers is gone. Nick’s mom left five suicide notes. Four were torn up and thrown away. He spent nearly two days piecing them together, held in place by small pieces of tape. With four and one-half notes before him, he had no more answers than when he started.

So where do we begin this daunting task of defining a new normal that allows for the inconceivable and inexplicable?

This is a time for vulnerability and unity and patience.

Fear is a part of our complex grief process. This is normal. What doesn’t feel normal is to sit with or express our fear. We want to squash it. We want to do anything to quell the anxiety we feel.

If we are not extremely aware of how we’re being triggered to do something – anything — to feel better, we often make poor choices to bring relief in the short term.

We may become inquisitors, focusing on what we or others knew or didn’t know; what we did or didn’t do. We then point fingers and judge the answers as not enough. We may pretend that we have all the answers. We may spread rumors, passing on information when we have no idea whether what we’re saying is the truth.

We make these choices in an attempt to relieve our inner turmoil. They pacify the need we feel to have a nice, neat life. They allow our ego to believe, for the moment, that the bad stuff happens “out there” while our homes and our schools and our communities and our lives are as orderly and picturesque as a beautiful main street of an Americana small town.

When we go for the quick fix, we tear others and our community down along the way.

The reality is that life is messy. Being a teenager is messy. Being a parent is messy. Bringing together a diverse group of people with varying backgrounds and faiths and political beliefs is messy. And it becomes even messier in the aftermath of a crisis.

The good news is that our lives can be precious in their imperfection and our communities beautiful in their differences. What makes this possible in basking in the hope for a brighter tomorrow and delighting in the kaleidoscope we create together.

We are in desperate need of leaders and role models. We need people to summon their courage and walk out their vulnerability. Say what is on your mind and in your heart and give your kids permission to do the same. Give the benefit of the doubt to your neighbors and school administrators and elected officials as they speak openly. When we speak our truth and listen to others’ truth with respect, we begin to heal.

This is a time for acknowledging our pain and confusion. A time for listening. A time for connecting. A time for asking for help. A time for supporting. A time for allowing that we have more questions than answers. A time for respecting the time and space needed to process and heal.

This is not a time to point fingers or judge or spread rumors. These behaviors kill hope. Be clear about what you know and what you don’t know. Be very careful about the information you pass on to others.

Sitting in the aftermath of these tragedies, I revisited my manuscript for Walking with Justice. I had already written how my mentor passionately kept hope alive for those he led, whether in the aftermath of a devastating flood or the loss of life.

I found myself writing… “Judge understood as a leader that the gravest danger in a crisis is the death of hope. His leadership refocused attention from darkness to light. See the light emanating from within – that is the light of potential. See the light in the distance – that is the light of possibility. See the light directly before you that will illuminate the way as you take a first step, and then another. This is the light of hope.”

It is often said that knowledge is power. Information is an important tool to grow ourselves and help heal and strengthen our community. But let us remember that our greatest source of power is our connection with and care for each other.

This is where our strength lies. This is where hope lives.

Even a seasoned fitness enthusiast can be prone to a little burnout and thus need a major boost to stay inspired and have fun exercising.

STEPS: Schedule, Time, Energize, Progression, Support

S – Schedule your workout sessions, even if they are daily, just as you meticulously schedule your business meetings and luncheons, spa treatments and manicures. They get a highlighted spot in your Daytimer or Blackberry.

T – Time your workouts starting with as little as 10 minutes a day. Research shows that these short workouts can really make a difference.

If you think short bursts of exercise aren’t worth it, try one of the following for 10 straight minutes: 1) running 7 mph on a treadmill, 2) bodyweight-only squats, 3) jumping rope, 4) walking lunges while holding 10-pound dumbbells or even no weights. Ten minutes matter – so don’t forego exercise all together on those hectic days when 30 minutes of exercise seems impossible to squeeze in. You don’t have to go to the gym either – you can do these at home!

E – Energize your exercise with music that you love with a tempo or beat of 123-144 beats per minute. How do you know? Simply count the beats for 6 seconds and add a zero to estimate.

P – Progression is important to stay on track so start with stretching and simple moves. If you’re new to structured exercise or if you haven’t worked out regularly for a long time, build up to a short walk. Then work up to a jog or incline. Most people give up on exercise because they are too sore or in pain.

A little soreness is okay, but don’t try to set records or map out unrealistic goals. The formula to fitness success is similar to the formula to business success: Set realistic goals with realistic timelines, and create sub-goals to keep you fired up. And don’t over-analyze or over-complicate matters. Remember, the human body was designed to move.

S – Support yourself with a team of friends or family to exercise with. People who work out in groups are more likely to stick to their program.

Get emotional about your workouts. Emotions (“I want to run along the Lake Shore with my teenagers”) keep you pumping and jumping, whereas relying upon logic (“I want to prevent Type II diabetes) can become monotonous and tedious.

Talk to your support team and tweak your goals to make workouts even more exciting. For instance, a “lower my blood pressure or prevent osteoporosis” frame of mind sounds like drudgery. Reset your goals to something like: “Never ask a man at the office to change the water cooler bottle!” or “Never being out of breath taking the stairs.”

Most major decisions in life are based on emotion. Sticking to exercise is a lifestyle change and making it a never-ending adventure keeps your mindset moving in the best direction – step by step!

IF we had four essential health habits, death would come somewhere between 80 and 120, with “average” being 100. That is how long our telomeres are inherently programmed to last.

After 13 years as a neurosurgeon, I pioneered successful non-surgical rehabilitation of patients with chronic pain and depression. Eighty-five percent of over 30,000 patients recovered and were able to live drug-free lives.

I then began asking general audiences how long they wanted to live. I was stunned to learn that most individuals were almost as depressed as my patients.

They were most concerned with:

• Global Warming
• Nuclear contamination/war
• Oil and energy
• Terrorism/Iraq
• China and the development of third world countries
• Chemical pollution, including pesticides, herbicides and genetically modified foods
• Quality of education and parenting
• Financial security
• Health habits and health care

To some extent, all of these problems relate ultimately to health and to personal choices. We have not dealt adequately with any of the 9 problems!

Yet, there are four essential health habits – each under your own control – that must be addressed to avoid premature death.

Less than 3% of Americans have all four of the most essential health habits:

• No smoking
• Healthy weight (Body Mass Index between 19 and 24)
• Five servings of fruits/vegetables daily
• 30 minute of exercise 5 days a week

The April 26, 2010 issue of Archives of Internal Medicine stated that people who smoke, drink excessively, rarely exercise and skimp on fruits and veggies die prematurely. In fact, those with these misbehaviors are THREE times more likely to die of cardiovascular disease or cancer; FOUR times more likely to die of other causes; and die an average of 12 years earlier than those with better habits!

Is this refusal to accept the simplicity of essential healthy habits a reflection of a pervasive death wish rather than a life wish? Perhaps Freud was right when he proposed the concept of a death wish.

My research shows that forty percent of Americans are clinically depressed and another forty percent are not truly happy. Perhaps it is this, along with a lack of common sense, that has led to these leading causes of illness and premature death:

• Obesity
• Smoking and tobacco
• Over reliance on the American Medical System, including excessive prescription drugs
• Failure to understand the relationship between body, mind, and spirit

This refusal to take responsibility for one’s most important asset, health, fuels the demand for ever increasing government dependency and for at least five times as much medical care as would be needed if everyone followed good health habits.

Death may not be so bad but most of the time unhealth–sickly disease–leads to at least a decade of suffering before death.  Suffering should be optional. Premature death should also be optional and mostly avoidable. No drug or surgery can compensate for proper care of the human body.

A vast majority of Americans are deficient in essential vitamins and minerals. They are also are ”burned out” with low or deficient DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone, the most critical hormone), and with excessive free radicals. Going beyond the basics for an average healthy life of 100 years, we now have the technology to rejuvenate the body’s ability to make DHEA, calcitonin to keep our skeleton youthful and to reduce the free radicals that otherwise age us prematurely.

We could live a healthy life well beyond 100 years, but let’s start with the basics.

Four simple health habits.

Put down the cigarettes and junk ”fast food”. Step away from the television or computer. Move your body. Fuel up with healthy foods.  This is not rocket science. These are personal choices and habits that preserve health.

Take responsibility for your health and choose to live. Reject choices that accelerate illness, encourage excess medical intervention, and shorten or compromise the quality of your life.

You cannot afford the luxury of ignoring your health.

We need more than 3% of Americans to develop a life wish.